A Reading From the Book of 2nd Regrets, v1-13:

1And on the eighth day, God made John Cena.  2And He looked upon his creation and said, “Lo, why have I done this thing?  3Now wrestling will forever sucketh!”  4And it was bad, and God regretted what he had done.  5And on the ninth day, Cena verily won his fifteenth WWE Championship.  6And God understood therefore the desire to blow one’s own brains out.  7“Crapeth,” He said aloud.  8And behold, it was bad.  9And so it came to pass that God just gave up, and retreated from the world so that He would not have to bear the sight of it.  10“One shall not give Cena the belt fifteen times,” God openly proclaimed, “for it is an abomination.”  11And thusly, God destroyed the Earth with fire, and all the creatures therein.  12“Sorry,” he told the world.  13“My bad,”1